He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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