Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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