Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
