i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
