D3 body, D1 cock
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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