I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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