I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
