i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
