if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's shark week go big or go home
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
