she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
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I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
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I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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