He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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