Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
