I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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