Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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