No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
