I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
