If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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