so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
