where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
