The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
