So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
