Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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