Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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