Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
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I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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