You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
