If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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