My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im holly from the hills drunk
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
