Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
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My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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