The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
