Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
