wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
