He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
