My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
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My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
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She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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