Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
