Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize