I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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