So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
