woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
