Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
