So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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