the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
