no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
