did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
