I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm both gender and math confused
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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