My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize