I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i already hear my dad disowning me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he thought i was a dude.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
