your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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