when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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