I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck