dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I need moral support for this bender
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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