Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Drake has all the answers
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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