i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
