Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
