i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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