omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
