I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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