In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
