Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
